Being in a relationship with someone means you have to learn how to discuss several hard issues and learning how to discuss money issues can be quite the challenge, even for the best couple. I know you’re tempted to share everything with your man, but unless you’re married, I’d be careful what you decided to confide in him about your wallet and your paycheck. Honesty is my policy on everything, but some things don’t help your relationship, and can make things sticky. Find out specifically what those are and how to discuss money issues with your man that won’t hurt your relationship.
Your paycheck is a personal issues and this is an area that I would suggest avoiding when learning how to discuss money issues with your man. He may have a good idea of what you make, but there’s no reason to get into logistics with him. For one, if you make more than he does, this can do a number on his ego. He may even resent you for it or feel embarrassed, which I’m sure you don’t want. Or, he might start depending on you for money more, even if he doesn’t mean to. If you don’t make more than him, it’s also just a good idea to keep things personal. Money is a personal issue and a paycheck is just a number. Unless you’re getting married and sharing financial responsibilities, there’s no reason to talk about this issue.
Another reason not to discuss money with your man is it might involve him offering to pay a bill here or there for you, or you might have bills you don’t want him to know about. This is where things can get sticky. If you end up not being able to pay him back, he might get upset, even if he says he won’t. If you have bills you don’t want to disclose, and he ends up pushing you to tell him, it might also cause an argument, embarrassment, or involve him judging you without even meaning to. Some men find that women with a lot of college debt, for instance, need to be avoided, or perhaps if you have bad credit, your guy might also judge you for this. Or, if you have a great credit history and very little bills, he might start depending on you for money without really meaning to.
What you spend your money on is your business, and I’m guessing you don’t want your man telling you what to spend your money on. If that’s the case, don’t disclose your money issues with him. Easy enough if you just stick to the rule. If he doesn’t know, he won’t and shouldn’t ask. If you want to go shopping one day, you should be able to without having to explain why to your guy. Your money is yours and what you make each week should be your business- period.
Some men who know women don’t make a certain amount at one job might push their girlfriend to go to another field of work, even if it’s one that doesn’t make her happy. This is a huge reason not to discuss money with your man above all else. Your career should be your choice. If you’re hurting financially, it never hurts to consider other options, but if it’s something you love, you shouldn’t let anyone tell you to find a job somewhere else or push you to leave.
Believe it or not, money arguments can be a real downer to your love life. This means intimacy might become an issue, especially if he’s embarrassed about his own financial situation by comparing it to yours. Unless you’re getting married, there’s no reason to talk about things now, unless you’re really serious about spending your life with him. Doing so can be a huge downer on your relationship in the meantime.
One more reason not to talk about money with your man is if you come from a family with a lot of money. You could have the best guy in the world, but knowing you come from money, or how much, just isn’t always the best idea. It might create pressure for him to provide the same for you as your family, or make him depend on them for his future.
If you’re just dating a guy and aren’t serious with him, definitely don’t discuss your money with him, unless you’re prepared to be serious with him. Money is a personal, serious issue and unless you’re ready to progress to the next level with him, don’t make things serious if you’re not ready to fully do that even with your finances.
If you are preparing to spend your life with someone, I do suggest finding a way to discuss money before you seal the deal on the wedding day. Doing so after can create a huge problem, but unless an engagement is in the works, don’t discuss money issues with your man right now. The time will come if necessary and if not, you’ve probably saved yourself some headache in the meantime. If you have a boyfriend, do you discuss your money with them?
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