Do you need to find ways to deal with a partner who spends too much? Money, and differing attitudes towards it, is one of the most problematic issues in relationships. If your partner is a spendthrift it can impact both your daily life and your future, so it's important to tackle the problem before it ruins your relationship - and possibly, your own finances. Here are some ways to deal with a partner who spends too much …
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1. Take Control of Finances
One of the ways to deal with a partner who spends too much is to take control of family finances yourself. This does depend on your partner's agreement; if they won't admit that they are bad with money it's a lot harder to take charge. On the other hand, they might be all too pleased to hand over responsibility to you.
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Communication is key. Discuss budgeting and financial goals openly, focusing on shared objectives. Try implementing a system where both partners contribute to financial decisions. Jointly create a budget that allows for personal spending within limits, reducing the chance for overspending. If your partner is resistant, suggest starting with small, manageable changes and reviewing the benefits consistently. Remember, this isn't about controlling your partner but about teamwork and steering your shared future toward firm financial ground.
2. Be Uncritical
As tempting as it may be, try to avoid yelling at your partner for their spending habits. This will only make them defensive and more resistant to change. Instead, tackle the subject of their overspending as neutrally as possible. Try saying 'we need to look at our finances' or 'I'd like to set a budget, will you help me?'
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Approach the conversation with an open mind and empathy. Understanding why your partner spends excessively is key to finding a solution together. Are they spending out of boredom, stress, or for emotional satisfaction? By identifying the root cause, you can address the issue more effectively. Offer support and suggest alternative activities that provide fulfillment without financial strain. Remember, it’s about teamwork and mutual respect, not assigning blame.
Frequently asked questions
Start by having an honest conversation. It’s super important to communicate your feelings without blaming them. Maybe they don’t even realize the impact it has on both of you.
Try to set some financial goals together. You can also suggest a budgeting app so you both can track expenses. Working as a team can make a big difference.
Absolutely! Setting boundaries is healthy in any relationship. Just be sure to approach the topic with empathy and understanding, so it doesn’t feel like a lecture.
Regular check-ins can help. Maybe set aside a time each week to review finances together. Also, try to stay calm and positive. Money talks don’t have to be stressful.
That’s tough. You could suggest seeing a financial advisor together. Sometimes an outsider’s perspective can help. If it becomes a bigger issue, you might need to consider couples counseling.
3. Look at Your Own Spending
Be honest - are there ways in which you're overspending as well? Even if you're not as bad as your partner, you may be a bit careless with money yourself. You can't expect them to reform if you're contributing to the problem, so sort your own spending out first.
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Reflect on your purchases and habits. Ask yourself, are there items or services you could live without? Maybe those weekly salon visits or online shopping sprees add up more than you think. By creating a budget for yourself and sticking to it, you lead by example. It's about mutual growth, so harness this opportunity to bond over shared financial goals. Remember, a couple that saves together, stays together. Communicating this journey and celebrating small victories can make a significant difference in how you both view and handle money.
4. Agree to Limits
Another tactic you can try is to come to an agreement with your partner on how much they spend on non-essentials. You might not like how they spend money, but the priority is to cover the bills. As long as your partner doesn't jeopardise those, it may be best to accept their spending.
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Setting boundaries is key. Discuss what constitutes "non-essential" spending and set a monthly limit that fits within your budget. Remember, compromise is essential; both partners should feel their needs are considered. Encourage open dialogue and perhaps even create a shared spreadsheet to track these expenditures. This way, both parties can see where the money is going and adjust habits as necessary. Approaching this with empathy and understanding can help maintain a healthy financial relationship.
5. Plan Your Future
Sometimes, an overspending partner can be reined in by giving them a reason to save their money. Perhaps you plan to start a family together or buy a house in the future. Once they understand that this won't be possible if they continue spending at their present rate, their attitude towards money could change.
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Having a shared vision of what you both want to achieve financially can be incredibly motivating. Whether it's the dream of an exotic vacation or putting kids through college, setting these goals together creates a roadmap for your finances. Discuss openly about your financial goals and timelines, ensuring your partner understands that every extra purchase now can delay these dreams. Breaking down long-term goals into smaller, manageable milestones can also provide a sense of progress and achievement, reinforcing positive spending habits. Celebrating these small wins together can reaffirm the benefits of saving over spending.
6. Allowance
Again, this will only work if your partner agrees. If even they admit that they are useless with money, you could take charge of finances and give them an allowance. It might seem childish, but is a practical way of dealing with a spending habit. Once they've spent their weekly allowance, it's gone.
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Setting an allowance for your partner doesn't just cap their spending—it also encourages financial responsibility and independence. It's a form of tough love. When they learn to work within their given budget, it fosters a healthier attitude towards money. Remember, communication is key, so ensure the rules are clear and agreed upon to prevent misunderstandings. Be supportive: celebrate when they stay within their means, and offer guidance instead of criticism if they struggle. This way, you turn a potential conflict into a journey you're both invested in.
7. Acceptance
The easiest thing may be to accept that you and your partner share different attitudes towards money. This should only happen if your joint financial situation is secure and your partner is paying their fair share of living costs. After that, it could be said that what they do with the money they've earned is up to them.
8. Walk Away
If your partner's spending is affecting your life, and they refuse to acknowledge the problem, the best option may be to end the relationship. If they are in denial or don't care about how their spending affects you, they will probably never change. It's sad, but either you put up with it or you walk away.
You might not have thought before that money could cause such serious problems in a relationship, but it's one of the main causes of rows. If you're careful with money and save, while your partner spends everything they have, it will make you resentful. So it's vital to deal with the issue of money. Do you have a partner who loves splashing the cash, or are you the one who spends too much?
Comments
Eddie: Hi. This sounds just like the situation I am in now. My live in girlfriend spends way too much on groceries, things that she ends up returning to store before getting paid again, and now....already spent a lot , still spending (along with me) on her 14yr old daughter's Christmas. It's a mess. We waste so much grocery food and it seems like at least 2x per week, 3-4x/wk when she 1st gets paid they are driving 40min away for Starbucks and or a small Mexican restaurant that the food is very expensive as well as going shopping. I am trying to look out for our future. We've been dating for almost two years and her 14yr old daughter lives with us during the week. We've tried teaching the daughter not to leave sodas sitting around with cap off, that she has only taking 1-2 swallows out of it with little success. She can't sign her name, doesn't know he times tables at all, just so sad to me. Her daughter has never watched a movie in her life or a full episode of a show? I'm serious too. My girlfriend does make about $900 more than me a month but is broke by end of month. She has several credit cards too. I give her a good amount of money each month for groceries, pay the electric bill, we have well water so no water bill....then I pay for heating (which is spaced out in 10 months), my car insurance, and of course the mortgage since she moved in with me. She has spent at least $600 and got me to spend over $300 for her daughter's Christmas and still isn't through. I am paying for about 12 members of my family for Christmas gifts but will be putting her name on "from tag". When I told her that I have never seen a family of 3 with her daughter staying F, S,S with her grandmother, spend so much, waste so much, and spend so much on a kid for gifts...she got mad and said it was her money. I explained I was looking out for our future because we haven't been on a vacation and its way past due. I explained that her daughter isn't going to know how to live life here in 4yrs.....she doesn't want to talk about it is what she tells me. She is always talking about the remodeling the house needs but that takes $ plus I will be doing what work I can of it to save $. She is right at 8yrs older than me but only had 3 relationships that lasted anywhere close to a year. In my opinion, she doesn't know how to change. Doesn't know how to live in a relationship? It aggravates me having several hundred in the bank when my check deposits but she is broke for the last week of the month. I am unsure if anyone will comment but I hope someone will let me know if I am looking at this all wrong. Thanks.
Elizabeth: Sounds like you are going thru the same thing my son is and he married this person and now he is always fatigued from the stress of trying to save but his wife spends every thing in the joint account for the groceries and utilities and mortgage. He puts his whole paycheck in the account and she keeps the majority of her pay which is quite a bit larger than his. What I see is she is about how she appears to others financially so she has bad spending habit and doesn’t care that they can’t save for emergencies or their kids college. Beware marrying a person who does not have the same financial values as you it will be a struggle mentally and physically on you to deal with each day. She tries to make him feel bad whenever he confronts her about the spending due to they had agreed to a budget and yet she never holds up to the agreement and it has been 14 years of marriage with this issue. It is really sad to see him stressed over it all but he never asks for help due to he states she got us into this issue. I just wish people would be honest upfront in relationships about their spending habits but it’s not like when you first start dating you think about these things. Immature people that are about the way people see them financially will always be in debt and always make excuses that are not legit why they are in debt. Nothing wrong with you looking at finances and setting goals that are realistic, if the other person doesn’t share your thoughts about it then you have to ask yourself is this relationship really worth the stress and less financial team work? I feel for you. Easy to get into relationships but respect n a relationship is a two way street one person can’t always be the one who gives or gives in.
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