5 Nightmare 😱 Jobs Someone Has to do ...

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Have you ever thought about the nightmare jobs someone has to do? It’s everyone’s wish to land their dream job, that great gig with the sensational salary, excellent pension and fabulous fringe benefits. But for every dream job, there’s the nightmare one – the one where horror, despair and boredom mingle in equal measure to suck the soul from the worker unlucky enough to have been employed to do it.

So what are the worst jobs around? Here are 5 nightmare jobs someone has to do.

1. Animal Sperm Collector

It is, as they say, a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it. Just thank the heavens above that it isn’t you. Helping to arouse and then bring to fulfillment prize bulls, horses and dogs etc. probably isn’t high on anyone’s career wish list. It’s certainly a conversation stopper when making small talk at a party. Now, wash your hands. This is one of the worst nightmare jobs someone has to do.

2. Sewer Unblocker

In poorer nations, the sewage system may not always match those of the developed world. Enter the sewage unblocker, the poor schmuck paid pennies to root around in the pipes to dislodge those nasty items creating the blockage. Nasal plugs supplied.

3. Knife Thrower’s Assistant

Fancy standing against a wall while someone throws a series of big sharp knives at you? Then this is the job for you. Perhaps you’ve always dreamed of running away and joining the circus. And you don’t mind being a human target for a sadist with a blade. All you’ll need are nerves of steel and an endless supply of plasters and you’re sorted.

4. Fluffer on the Set of an Adult Movie

You’ve dreamed of making it big in the movies. And this is your chance. As a fluffer, your one and only role is to ensure that the male star of an adult feature remains aroused at the crucial points in the movie. Use your imagination at exactly what you might have to do to fulfill your job criteria. The role is ostensibly part of the makeup department and that’s a nice euphemism for when you’re updating your CV as you try and figure how the hell you’re going to get out of this nightmare.

5. PR for Bashar Al-Assad

Promoting the beleaguered Syrian President is definitely a hard sell for any PR. And it would take the combined skills of all of Donald Trump’s media relations team and the whitewashing skills of Facebook’s fake news team to convince the world that Al-Assad’s ruthless oppression of his own people with military force is nothing more than a minor tiff between a beloved leader and his electorate.

So there you have it – 5 nightmare jobs that will make you grateful for the first time that you’re only flipping burgers in a fast food joint.