I’m sure you’ve encountered a few passive aggressive co-workers in your lifetime. While everyone can be passive aggressive from time to time (particularly in an occupational environment), there are individuals who commonly display these attributes and routinely fall into the passive aggressive ‘camp.’ In the following paragraphs, I'll be informing you how to tell someone’s being passive aggressive, how their behavior manifests and ultimately ways in which you can deal with these types of co-workers.
Snapshot Survey
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Please subscribe for your personalized newsletter:
1. What to Look for
Have you ever said something to someone only wanting to say something else? Have you ever praised someone in public yet criticized them in private? Have you ever slammed a door? Chances are you have done all of these things in your life, and yes, these are all common traits of being passive aggressive. Since we all behave passive aggressively from time to time, it can make passive aggressiveness extremely hard to spot in the workplace.
2. Its Roots
Passive aggressive behavior is complex and takes many forms, however it is usually born of fear or the fear of being controlled. It is misdirected anger that cannot be expressed openly. It originates and is generally entrenched in a child by the time they're six years old! A child that grows up in a controlling household where they are not given the permission to have or show their feelings (particularly anger), is more likely to grow into an adult that is passive aggressive. This is because they’re overly dependent on a parent to make decisions and/or to meet their needs. The child does not express their anger for fear of rejection or reprisal. Instead, they learn to express anger towards the parent in passive aggressive ways (without truly knowing they're doing it).
Frequently asked questions
3. How It Manifests at Work
In the workplace, passive aggressiveness is expressed at the person who has more power. If someone feels disempowered, inferior, or they’re working with an authority figure, their passive aggressive traits are more likely to materialize. You might see missed deadlines, sick days taken at the most critical times (when havoc will be caused), or critical information may not be passed on. Your boss could even be the one that is passive aggressive! In this case, they'll undermine their employees or hold teammates to super strict standards, so as to catch them out unfairly.
***
Passive aggressive behavior in the workplace can have a significant impact on productivity and team dynamics. It often manifests in situations where there is a power imbalance, such as between an employee and their boss. This can lead to missed deadlines, withheld information, and unfair expectations. In some cases, the boss themselves may exhibit passive aggressive behavior, creating a toxic work environment for their employees. This behavior can also stem from feelings of inferiority or a need to assert control. It is important for both employees and employers to recognize and address passive aggressive behavior in the workplace in order to maintain a healthy and productive work environment.
4. Embrace Conflict
Even if you shy away from conflicts, try not to respond in a passive aggressive manner yourself (no tit-for-tat)! Don’t give in to the other person's power or allow yourself to become a person you don’t want to be. Speak the truth simply, accurately, and always know you can walk away from the conversation (if you feel you need to). Seek mutual understanding of each other’s positions and recognize that if you agree with them, it doesn’t mean your relationship is in jeopardy. Embracing conflict can help let go of passive aggressive patterns; it can be a good thing if you are able to move through it productively. Instead of shutting down, try disagreeing and ask questions to understand your colleagues’ perspectives so as not to withhold critical feedback.
***
Remember, confrontation is not synonymous with aggression. It's about holding your ground respectfully. Stay composed, which helps in maintaining professionalism. Clearly express your concerns and feelings without blame, using "I" statements to focus on your experience rather than accusing the other. A constructive approach to conflicts can stimulate growth, understanding, and stronger connections. Embrace these moments as opportunities for improvement rather than obstacles.
5. Set Limits and Consequences
Make it clear to your passive aggressive colleague that you don’t tolerate the way you’re being treated. Set some limits and boundaries with them (and yourself). If they're constantly doing something that you don’t like, tell them that the next time they do 'X,' you’re not going to let them get away with it. Try stating a couple of consequences of what will happen, if they don’t reconsider their behavior.
***
Communicate firmly yet constructively when expressing the consequences of continuing their passive-aggressive actions. Let it be known that such behavior impacts team dynamics and your own productivity. For instance, you might say, “If you continue to agree to deadlines and then miss them, I'll need to document these instances for our team lead." This shows that you're serious about fostering a healthy work environment and are not afraid to follow through on necessary actions to maintain professionalism. It’s vital to ensure these boundaries are consistent and not idle threats, to preserve your own credibility and peace of mind.
6. Practice Assertive Communication
Try assertive communication. This means that you listen to the other person, take their feelings into consideration and be respectful. Use statements that begin with “I” instead of “you” and follow up with facts; be specific and clear. It is important to confront the person with specific actions and don’t shy away. If you give in to this type of behavior, you'll lose your options.
***
Assertive communication also involves maintaining eye contact and using a firm yet calm voice. Remember to express your own needs and feelings without depreciating theirs. For example, saying, "I feel frustrated when tasks aren't completed on time because it impacts our project's progress," instead of, "You never finish your work on time." This approach encourages dialogue rather than blame and allows for a constructive conversation about improving the work environment.
7. Give Them a Voice
Make the passive aggressive person feel ‘heard.’ Let them be part of problem-solving or the solution to a situation. Ask them how they would handle a certain issue, topic, or what they would do when faced with a scenario. If all you hear are complaints, remain neutral and tell them that you’ll bear their thoughts in mind!
The reality is you’re going to encounter one or more passive aggressive types in your career. By learning to spot the behaviors, understand their traits and what causes it, you can lessen the damage to yourself, and to the rest of the team. If you feel you are passive aggressive yourself, try to become aware of when the situations arise for you, what triggers them, and get rid of any incongruity between what you think (your internal dialogue) and what others see and hear (external actions). This will increase the trust with your colleagues and also yourself.
What passive aggressive experiences have you had and how have you handled colleagues like these in the past?
Comments
Chickidee_29: I have a passive aggressive boss, I've been trying to figure out a way to get through to him. This helps a lot! Thanks (:
:
Feedback Junction
Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge